why didn't you poke me back
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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