no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
