she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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