Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
