Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
