My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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