im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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