My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
