Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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