Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I looked at my own cervix.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
