When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
