where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
