Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
