well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
