non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
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Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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