ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just want to make out with him forever
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
