what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
