those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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