Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
