shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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