She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
