you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
