Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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