I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
