No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.