Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  you still trying to smash that chick?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober

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  (248): you still trying to smash that chick? (1-248): it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober http://tfl.nu/22ty
  Replies (1) Good night (834) Bad night (1089)
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  (789): View more from

  If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.

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  (789): If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days. http://tfl.nu/hp74
  Replies (26) Good night (5888) Bad night (1006)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.

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  (651): So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure. http://tfl.nu/i2sm
  Replies (33) Good night (6856) Bad night (817)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.

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  (641): Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout. http://tfl.nu/rilo
  Replies (62) Good night (18406) Bad night (2266)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"

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  (630): Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind" http://tfl.nu/dke2
  Replies (17) Good night (5018) Bad night (1070)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?

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  (318): What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway? http://tfl.nu/w9j3
  Replies (19) Good night (5626) Bad night (1247)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.

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  (281): Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing. http://tfl.nu/duvr
  Replies (14) Good night (822) Bad night (2804)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...

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  (204): you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back... http://tfl.nu/izou
  Replies (17) Good night (2400) Bad night (1048)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet

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  (719): He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet http://tfl.nu/3sfp
  Replies (7) Good night (2847) Bad night (927)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch

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  (419): His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch http://tfl.nu/wbxj
  Replies (13) Good night (4249) Bad night (1569)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.

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  (360): We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent. http://tfl.nu/utkw
  Replies (8) Good night (3246) Bad night (1346)
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  (925): View more from California

  Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.

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  (925): Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs. http://tfl.nu/ssx7
  Replies (13) Good night (1878) Bad night (647)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.

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  (+44): Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am. http://tfl.nu/fqfm
  Replies (3) Good night (1080) Bad night (910)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness

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  (303): You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness http://tfl.nu/eryk
  Replies (0) Good night (772) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game

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  (203): You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game http://tfl.nu/wvii
  Replies (1) Good night (541) Bad night (597)

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