He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?