he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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