i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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