he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
