You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize