I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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