i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
