If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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