the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
