If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
