drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize