hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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