wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
