Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No I am not eating basil off your cock
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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