Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.