I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.