Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.