Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
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They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...