im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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