That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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