you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
