i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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