I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
