im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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