Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
