dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
