I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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