Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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