I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I faked an abortion last night.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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