so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize