Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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