the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
