I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think your dad took our porno
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
