Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize