Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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