fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
