8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
