I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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