just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
