I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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