Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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