There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
