we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
