Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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